Narrative Therapy

This is great! I was considering becoming an author so that I could work out my issues by writing unbearable fiction and turgid novels, but this is much faster:
http://evolvingthoughts.net/2010/10/08/my-life-as-a-book/
I appear to have skipped ahead to the 'past my prime and tweeting about it' stage already.

There might be a few problems with writing my autobiography at such an early stage (while complete fabrication  may be commonplace --  you still need something to start from.)

Blurb: (it doesn't matter what is here -- same thing goes for all of the recommendations on the back cover from the worst writers in your generation.)

Preface: I'm going to have some difficulty with this part as most of the authors that I admire have passed on, are no more, have ceased to be, or have expired and gone to meet their maker.......

Introduction: I was born in an ordinary hospital, on an ordinary day, to ordinary parents, who would have guessed that from such a prosaic entrance into the world.............. 

Chapter 1: An account of a normal boring childhood that I successfully manage to represent as traumatic.

Chapter 2: In which I overcame the disadvantages of being raised an educated WASP in a WEIRD country, attended Berkley (and annoyed the heck out of every possible non-libertarian there -- in the hopes that their humorous reminicing gets on the special features DVD of the movie that they made from my autobiography.)


Chapter 3: I make my millions selling dog-tracking software, and then spend my leisure time winning Nobel prizes, and confirming the Riemman Hypothesis.


Chapter 4: After becoming famous enough to be persecuted by an opposing religious or political sect, I wrote a book about that.


Chapter 5: Climbed Everest and wrote another book.


Chapter 6: Where I do something unbelievably stupid, and my ashes are sent into space just to annoy Robin Hanson and my bio is finished by my AI named SAM, who also was the ghostwriter for my book about Everest.

I earnestly beseech you guys..........

A vow to mine own self:

 I shall be most careful to refrain from certain methods, that immediately put in one's mind the idea that the author was educated solely in victorian literature (due to the unnecessary explanations, which insult one's intelligence) that with a certainty, gives rise to the pervasive illusion that such persons were incapable of proper punctuation.
Therefore, in order to conscientiously affirm and reinforce this new life-goal, I've prepared a series of notes on the aforementioned subject. So, to remind myself of the peril of such linguistic forays into the diabolically antecedent world, and to avoid the tortuously lengthy and uninformative introductions of my forbearers:

I oughtn't use the word 'must.' In addition, 'hint of' (with it's subtle allusions to a soiree,) I perceive will cause me to be exposed to much mockery.
Use of the words: 'cordiality,' 'chap' and the making references to 'chimney sweeps' as everyday fixtures of contemporary life, is also quite daft.

Therefore, I charge you, in this virtual conclave, a gathering of like minds on the internet, to assidously avoid unwieldy verbage, antiquated memes, and 'tired and worn' sentence fragments.