Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Change in Management

I've decided that the funds in my piggy bank are now going towards the establishment of my own country.
In order to prevent certain very predictable disasters -- like, for example, annexation -- it will be based on a small island, lacking in natural resources, with minimal fresh water, no desirable infrastructure, and no recreational value whatsoever.

This will make it a less tempting resource for  overbearing foreign powers (like Tonga.) Far away from civilization, multiple species of predators will guard the safety of my new republic. If at all practicable, it should be surrounded by large and dangerous rocks, which would make approaching the island nigh on impossible. I'd also like lasers and a bunker in the volcano; I'll have to look at our budget.

Because of the demonstrable flaws in all previous democratic regimes --  which tend to intentionally or unintentionally subvert the will of the people (i.e. voter's paradox, Arrow's impossibility theorem and a bunch of other things that people with the inclination and some common sense can figure out) --  the illusion of popular government should continue, but law and order will be maintained by a convenient oligarchy. Who knows? We might even call it an ad-hocracy just for laughs.

The original founders will probably constitute the ruling class for some time, so you had better buy in early to ensure that you have a satisfactory degree of control.

Because of preference falsification, all conversations must be submitted in contract form, exposing those with an intent to misrepresent their beliefs to prosecution in accordance with the studiously minimalist, coherently-libertarian justice system. Since this raises the cost of communicating, it should limit the dull, mind-numbingly boring and eye-gougingly frustrating social interactions to a minimum.

Part of our social agreement will be the outlawing counter-productive escalation of social signals (the somewhat arbitrary ends of the spectrum being makeup at one end with blood-feuds and college degrees at the other,) which will doubtless "harm"  the non-majority which would benefit by misrepresentation of personal facts or the skewing of information curves, but will greatly increase total utility for the entire population. No one shall be allowed to begin a career unsuitable to them and detrimental to the rest of society simply because they anticipate pay-offs commensurate with their delusions of success in that field.

Also, on a somewhat related note: all accordions and cheap, plastic recorders are banned. Violinists must undertake an hermetic apprenticeship for a minimum of 2 years, and until their master can vouch that they are capable of producing sounds that do not resemble the sound of ligaments breaking, cats careening through the air at high speed, or the implosion of a magnetic train. This is a restriction which I'm sure everyone -- besides a small, automatically-disenfranchised minority -- will agree with. Along similar lines, poets should try out their new pieces on each other, rather than forcing us to experiment along with them. Billy Collins I'm looking at you.

...I haven't come up with a satisfactory solution for dealing with screaming children, perhaps we should all dope with prolactin and endorphins in the interest of continuing the project for multiple generations.
Note, Edit, Whatever:  I was talking with a friend a few days ago who asked some questions about why anyone can't simply decide to form their own state if they disagree with how things are done in their mother country. I laughed. For a really long time. I laughed for such a long time that I think I probably hurt their feelings. Also, as much as I'd love to address the questions they asked (or why we can't form our own country) both they and their questions were both very well-meaning and very politically incorrect. I don't think I'm currently prepared to expand the cohort of people that hate me that much.

So I decided to re-post this because the last few posts have been very whiny, depressing and just generally awful. How does the saying go? 'You have to laugh or you'll end up cackling madly as they strap you to a stretcher and pump you full of sedatives while you giggle about how Alan Greenspan looks like a baby wombat..." Or something like that.